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trying to put thoughts into words---what is life like when you have a special needs child?

When you have a special  needs child, life really is a different world. It’s not something most people can understand, not unless you’ve been there yourself. But I guess this is my attempt to put it into words…

I'll start at the beginning, there is always a beginning. the moment you first  learn of your child's disability or illness...maybe it's at birth, maybe before....maybe much later in life. for me it was partway into pregnancy.

In the beginning, you are in denial. You refuse to believe the prognosis the doctors give you. No matter how small or how huge the disability or illness is you don’t believe it. You think

“they MUST be wrong”

You refuse to accept (although mostly subconsciously) that something could be different, something could be “wrong” with your child.

But there comes a day, when you start to realize that it might just be true. Something is different.

That day might hit like a ton of bricks. It might come by something your child does, a noise he or she makes…. or it may come softly, like a whisper in the wind…over time. But it does come. Eventually you face it, you look at it and you begin to accept what the doctors are saying.

It isn’t easy. Once you accept it, or even start to accept it you have to let go. You have to let go of your dreams you had for your child.

Dreams like, maybe he will be a doctor, a lawyer, a dentist

Maybe she will be a dancer, a poet, a nurse

Maybe he will fly a plane, drive a car, own a home

Maybe she will have my grandchildren, live on a farm, have a job

For a time those dreams can haunt you. Knowing they can never be.

But you will dream again.

Your dreams will be smaller.

Maybe he will walk. Maybe she will talk. Maybe one day he will look in my eyes and say “I love you” maybe we can make it a whole week without being at the doctors, maybe a month without being in the hospital….dare I hope for a whole year?

Sometimes those dreams can be freighting. Sometimes you may wonder if your child will live to be grown up. Sometimes your dreams can only see past the next few hours, the next few days, the next month….sometimes you can’t dream at all because it’s to painful.

You will beat yourself up. Wonder if there was something you could have done differently, something you could have changed to have avoided this. Was it that can of pop I drank during pregnancy? Was it this? Was it that? You will drive yourself nearly crazy thinking of what if’s until you realize that there is no way to go back and change it, and most likely it wasn’t your fault at all.

Mourning is a natural part of having a disabled child. You will feel guilty for it. You will feel like your taking something from your child. You know in your heart that you love him or her absolutely and you feel guilty for the pain in your heart.

That’s normal. You will get past it. It may not feel like it then, but you will.

You will have happy days. Some days that feel like everything is going to be OK. Sometimes you will want to go back to denial and refuse to believe that anything is wrong, and other days you will come to accept it without sadness and pain. But there will always be days when you will mourn.  Perhaps when you see another child the same age doing what yours can’t…something will set you back to mourning even for a small time. You’ll shed tears and pick yourself up again.

You will love your child just as much as you would have if he or she were “normal” (you’ll grow to hate the word “normal” as well) you will find ways to make him or her happy, and the smile on your child’s face will light up your life. You will not always mourn. You will have great abundant joy!

You will meet people, because of your child. They will come into your life when you need them the most and they will become as close to you as family. You will learn from them because most of them have a child that is similar to yours. 

You will find a new normal. It may include medical devises, feeding tubes, wheelchairs and hearing aids but you will adapt. You will learn how to take care of your child and you will know him or her better than anyone else can. That bond is strong.

Children with special needs teach us so much. Your child will become your teacher. Your child will teach you joy, compassion, peace, love and so much more than you can imagine. You will see that your child is a special angel sent from God to teach you and those around you.

You will learn how your child communicates. You will learn how he moves, how she needs you to be for her,  you will learn to hold onto each and every day—especially the good days—and live life in the moment you are in because you never know what will happen next, you will learn to truly be thankful for all the things you’ve taken for granted, you will learn so much.

You won’t notice at first how much you’ve changed.  But when you look back you will see that you have grown stronger. You won’t remember when you stopped feeling sad but you will find all the joy in the world in the face of your child.

Someday, you will thank God for your child’s disabilities. Not because of the hardship but because the hardship has changed you. Your child has brought you joy more than you could fathom before and it is then that you realize you would never change a single thing about him or her, you know that your child is exactly who God designed him or her to be.

it's been a while

I haven't posted anything in a while, so here's a quick update.

life in a construction zone is a little nuts, but our remodle on the house is nearly done. for those of you who didn't know our house got flooded after Rob accidently left the water running while he was cleaning out the mess in the van from the baby being born in the van. he came home to about 3 inches of water...anyway that was in November. its now March. we have, with the help of Rob's parents & his cousin Brad put up the ceader on the cealing and part of the walls. the cabinets and counter top have all been replaced and all that's left is the rest of the ceader, the dark green marble tile and the carpet.
oh, but then next year we have to do the bathroom because a pipe burst under the tub. the pipe is taken care of, but we had to rip out half a wall to do it...and can't afford to fix it just yet. by the time this house is done, i don't think i'm going to want to sell it. already this is the nicest house i've ever had...and soon it will be the nicest house i ever imagined. such a blessing from God it is.

The kids are doing great. Dyllan is reading so wonderfully, i can't help but have a little pride in the fact that i taught him. I TAUGHT him that! homeschool has such amazing benifits. :)
Robby is learning to read. were taking it slower with him cause he has such a hard time focusing. i think it's just his age though.
Ronan is wonderful. he loves to play "spiders" and tells me when he grows up his wife is going to have a baby who he's going to name "pink babe" after his doll, and a baby boy named "baby boy."
Teal'c is responding very well to his growth hormone injections and is starting to show some growth! he's getting stronger and has finally learned "yes" and "no" by nodding or shaking his head. I'm learning that even if there were a cure a way to "fix" his brain damage, i'm not sure I'd change Teal'c. he brings us so much joy just the way he is...if he wasn't the way he is, he wouldn't be who he is and i love who he is. I guess i've gotten past the greif of coming to terms with his autism and disabilities. we dont know what the future holds for him, but we know that in all of his todays and tomorrows we will be holding on to him with all the love and joy he brings us. I'm so greatfull that God has kept Teal'c healthy recently. Teal'c hasn't been in the hospital since August, and he hasn't been sick since December. that has been such a blessing!
Bretac is the picture of the "perfect" baby. he sleeps thru the night (none of the other kids ever did. Teal'c is still up at night!) he's a great nurser and has a very sweet, even temperament. exactly what we needed. I'm so very greatful for him. He's 4 months old already. the buzz about him being born in a car has died down...although i still can't get the stain out. lol. I love to hold him to my breast, nursing him while he stares up at me and smiles. Bretac hasn't gotten sick once (well i thought he was once over Christmas but it only lasted about 3 hours) and for that i am so grateful.

i love to stare at him. infact i love to stare at all my kids.

i sometimes turn on the TV to something i'm not really watching, that the kids won't be interested in...because they think i'm watching the TV but really i'm watching them play, listining to them talk and imagine...watching them in a way that they think i'm not watching...admiring them.

and always, thanking God for them. every minute of every day i thank God for them.

and my husband. i watch him when he dosen't know i'm watching too. he's such a good man it brings tears to my eyes. i watch him play witht he children, i watch him work on his school work or a prodject from work, i watch him play i watch him watch TV. oh how i love that man! I wish he could see how i see him cause if he did he'd never feel insecure about himself again.

on other news:

I had my wisdom teeth pulled last week. that hurt alot. it's finally healing. i tell ya what, it was like having my face be in labor for a week! not fun. it's still painfull. i don't wanna ever ever ever go thru that again.

over all, this season of life has been so very very blessed. God thank you so much for this down time, for this blessing.

i can't begin to describe how wonderful this time has been. oh hectic yes with the remodeling, but I'll take remodeling over the illnesses we've dealt with the past 2 years any day!

watching

sometimes i just stare at my kids. sometimes i turn on the TV onto something they think i'm watching so they don't know i'm watching them. i watch them play together. lately they'e been playing "slap jack" a card game.
sometimes i watch them color, play the wii, watch TV, sleep.
i just love watching my kids.
you can learn alot about people by watching them.

ack!

i wanna scream.

my house is not finished, it hasn't been for weeks...now it's worse. all our new cabinets are here and they are stacked up in their boxes filling up my living room. my couches are stacked on top of each other and my kitchen has wires exposed. there is construction mess everywhere. i can't get into my kid's bedroom, i can barely get into my own room and the office and bathroom.
and yet, they think its safe for us to be here.
I'm the type of person i need to have a plan, although spontaneity is nice and it has it's place when there is something big like this there needs to be a plan....but no...we are flying by the seat of our pants and nothing has a set plan.
i want to stay in a hotel, but apparently there aren't any big enough. nope. Americinn says we can't rent from them. they won't rent to us because our family is to big and it violates fire code. they said they can rent to 6 people in their double rooms max. not 7. we have 7. even though two are babies and all 5 kids are under age 6 it dosen't matter. they won't rent to 7.

so, were trying to see if we can get back into the Cove Point Lodge...but they won't approve it for today. why? i have no idea. they think it's just fine to have 5 kids confined to the space of a queen sized mattress while theres so many hazzards everywhere....my house right now is an accident waiting to happen.

every where i look there are things that could fall on the kids. everywhere. one of my facebook friends recently lost her two year old son to an accident where a dresser fell on him. i'm terrified of the things in my house that could fall on my children, expecially right now where everything we own is stacked up everywhere.

i dont know where anything in this house is. i can't get to most of our things even when i need to. Rob keeps asking me to find this or that and there is no way i can, not with out sorting thru all the millions of stacked boxes everywhere.

oh, i'm very greatful that my house is getting fixed. it's just taking way longer than anyone told me it would. (i expected that) and it's putting my kids in danger while we sit here trying to keep them still on a queen sized bed all day. even TV can't keep 5 kids still for that long. they want to run and play, and already Dyllan has hurt himself on stuff that's all over the house just from walking into something.

so tonight i'm expected to have 5 kids sleeping where? Rob says on the floor in the hallway. oh yea that's pleasant. the hallway is cement right now. seriously, has anyone but me thought about the children in this whole mess?


and yes, i asked around looking for sitters...but none were anywhere to be found. almost everyone it seems is in duluth today, or sick as the case may be. i may have a place for the kids to stay tonight, but even so it would be imposing on people who are dealing with their own kids being sick...not so sure i wanna do that to them. i know i woudln't want extra kids when mine are sick....

oh well. time to take a deep breath and get back to work i guess. Lord, please protect my children.

chaos and home renevation

so last week we were booted out of our home in order to start construction (or rather reconstruction) to fix all the damage that was done after my husband left the water running and left the house for 8 hours)
the "vacation" itself was wonderful. we stayed in the Cove Point Lodge cottages. BEAUTIFUL! right on lake superior. the lake was only about 20 feet from our front window.
it had everything, two floors, two big bedrooms, 3 TVs and a jacuzzi. probably the most "fancy" vacation I'll ever have. relaxing and wonderful.

and now we are home, but the house is only half done. right now my floors are cement and plywood, i have no kitchen and everything we own is shoved into the bedrooms and the office.  nothing is where i want it and i can't find anything. i can't move anything either. next week they come back to fix the rest of it, to finish stuff...so i have to live in chaos for a few weeks...then back to a hotel...then finally i can get things organized again.

laughter, the best medicine.

My kids are so funny. they make me laugh every day. this post is a collection of things i've posted on facebook over the past few years: (many of these posts are several years old but i thought these are hilarious they are so worth sharing again. )

1.       Robby shoved sour cream in the van seat, with a spoon.

2.       The kids like to play a game called melting. They kiss my nose and I yell “I’m melting!” and pretend to melt until the kids say “unmelt” Ronan has started doing it too, he will kiss my nose then say “melting” (sounds like ammmtammm!” and copies me “melting”

3.       Ronan swallowed a nickel, when I told the kids we had to go to the doctor Dyllan said , “oh no mommy he swallowed your NIPPLE, are you ok?” then he wanted to look and see my “missing nipple” I showed him a nickel to clear his confusion (we took him to the doc, and Brooke had prayed that the coin would disappear, when they did the xray it was nowhere to be found! Praise God!)

4.       The kids have a song that says “oh Lord how would I make it without you” Robert said “mom they singing naked!” so he ran around singing “oh Lord, I’m so naked”

5.       We were at the dilly dally shop and Robby saw a fish, he screamed “mom, I found Nemo!”

6.     

7.       Dyllan offers kisses for my owies

8.       During a video conference with amber Dyllan said “mom why doesn’t she just come out of that puter?”

9.       Dyllan had gas, he tooted in the other room and said "mom did you smell all that gas? Tell daddy it was me!"

10.   The kids want to help name the new baby, they want to name him or her Teyla Kitty freezer, poop on a stick, table, bucket….

11.   Dyllan said “mom that mean kitty bit me!” well, why did she do that I asked…”I was pulling hair out of her tail “

12.   Dyllan peed on the kitty today

13.   I told the kids what they eat turns into poop, so when dyll goes potty he will tell me “mom I had cheese poop, or carrot poop…(whatever he just ate)”

14.   Robby likes to play in his closet, its his “special place” if he disappears I can usually find him there

15.   Robby tried to share his apple with the baby, he shoved it into my tummy and said “eat baby!”

16.   Robby pees on his little potty and then proudly says “your welcome mommy!”

17.   Robby said he needed a diaper on to poop so i put it on his head, told him to close his eyes a pretend it was on his butt, he tried but it didn’t work

18.   Robby gets mad at his reflection in the mirror, he says “mom that kid won’t get out my way!” he tried punching it the other day, cause he wanted to kiss the mommy in the mirror, and the other Robby wouldn’t move.

19.   we were talking last night he told me he wants to drive a race car when he grows up, daddy was saying how dangerous it was and Dyllan took my hand, looking very seriously into my eyes and said “mommy i promise i will not crash and die, i will keep that promise, you can trust me. I’m 'sponsible."

20.   yesterday, robby says to me, "when i get bigger you will be the little kid" i said no, ill be an old grandma, he laughed so hard "that is so silly mom!" he says "you gonna turn old!"

21.   today I found the kid’s shooes in my fridge

22.   robby says "mom i pooped on that pokey board" thankfully he still had his diaper on and he didn't actually poo he just tooted

23.   the thing i got for dyll for his birthday came in a box that was like three times bigger than it needed to be, dyll was like whoa!!! but i hid the present and let him play with all the paper in the box, now he thinks i got him paper for his birthday the funny thing is hes happy about it

24.   I tried to spit wash Dyllan’s cheek and he told me “mom your spit only works on Tuesdays.”

25.   Dyllan lifted Ronan’s hood from his sweatshirt and said, “mom, is this where the batteries go?” I asked him if he ran off batteries, “no mom, only Ronan and Robert do, not me that’s silly. You need to plug him in at night?”

26.   Robby has taken to changing his own diaper, he won’t potty in the potty chair but if I don’t change him quickly enough he will take off his diaper and put on a clean pull up.

27.   Ronan was playing peek-a-boo, and he was getting mad cause he couldn't figure out how to hide his eyes, he kept putting his hands on his ears or his cheeks, then he gave up, grabbed my hands and put them over his eyes

28.   i was nursing Ronan, and when he pulled off he smacked his lips closed his eyes and said "oh yea!" it was so funny

29.   earlier, we were watching rattiue, (the movie Robby just ruined) and when they say “stop that soup" Ronan laughed really hard, so i kept saying to him...he kept laughing until all of a sudden he said "done" and then it wasn't funny anymore... he didn’t laugh at it at all after that

30.   Dyllan says "mom that thing says its time o'clock. time to go outside."

31.   I is putting pip on my armpips says Robby

32.   Dyllan came home from spending the night at grandma Jan’s and Robby and Ronan missed him so much they hugged him until Dyllan got mad and said “no more hugs!”

33.   Robby says " I wanna eat buggers and French fries." so I said "with snot?" he starts laughing "no mom not buggers out my nose, buggers from the French fry store"

34.   Robert came out covered head to toe in pink lipstick, and entire tube. It’s in his hair, all over his face and tummy, even his legs. Even after scrubbing him the pink remains. He says “mommy I’m so pretty your makeup!” I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even scold him. He cried though cause for a few seconds I kept a stern face, then rob and I both busted up laughing.

35.   Ronan had his diaper off for only a few seconds, and of course he pooped…I thought I cleaned it all up but I missed some. A few seconds later, I saw him, his face and hands COVERED in his own poop, and it was in his mouth. EWW! When I took it away he got mad, and the more I cleaned the sicker I felt. I had to run and puke, which gave him opportunity to get more poop from his little stash and eat it again! Oh man that was so gross!

36.   the kids are pretending to be daddy....dyll lays on my bed, pretends to be asleep. then he pretends his alarm goes off and he hits it, saying "wake me up at 29 (or some other random number) and pretends to fall asleep again. he does this several times then looks at the clock and screams 'I’m going to be late, I gotta go to work!" and rushes thru the house ...then he does it over again. can't tell what happens here every morning can ya

37.   mom mom there’s a bug! Robby screams, "kill it" so i stepped on it. then he says "mom it won't crawl on my finger...make it crawl on my finger!" honey, its dead it can't crawl anymore. so he put it on his finger and said look mom that dead bug is my friend!

38.   Dyllan keeps asking me if i can pop out charaters from Tv.

he also told me yesterday "mom when i grow up, promise me you won't be old. I want you to babysit my kids, so i can go to duluth by myself with  my mommy (my wife he means) and, you can teach my kids to behave, if they don't listen and take their naps you can spank their butts."
i asked "well you will be their daddy, why don't you teach them to behave?"
"because your better at it. you already know how to."
lol i laughed alot. then i asked "well you guys come to duluth with us, why don't you take your kids with you?"
"because i don't want bad guys to get them. you will keep them safe." (aww!)
he's so silly. its funny the things kids think of.

little robby, when disapointed that he won't be able to use breastpumps when he grows up asked me if he could buy one for his wife. lol.

39.   ronan woke crying, after a few attempts at settling him i put him back in his crib...he woke dyllan and first dyll yelled "stop it ronan!" then he switched tactics, and said "it's ok Ronan, Dyllan is here" that was just cute.

40.   Dyllan and Robby were looking at a toy catalog, Robby says "mom i want this and this and this..!" and Dyllan puts his hands on his hips and says "Robby, that is called to expensive"

2. Robby's pants were falling down and when I told him to pull them up he said "mom, its my plummer's butt"

3. robby came out of his room with his pants in that punk style where his undies are sticking way up, and a hat on turn backwards he looked so cute. when I asked him what he was wearing and he said "i'm a cool dude"

4. When Robby asks questions about himself as a baby he starts out by saying "Mom, when i was baby teal'c ...."

5. Dyllan begs me to let him do the dishes!

6. the kids and i built forts in their rooms, and the kids played "deer hunting season" pretending to be waiting for deer Robby even said "oh if you don't shoot the deer it will eat you!"

41.   Did i tell you the kids like to play "borg" (star trek) its pretty funny they ask me to put make up on them so the look like a borg and then they run around saying "you will be assimilated I am borg!"  its pretty funny. lastnight they played starship captin. lol i'm turning my kids into scifi dorks.
my dad's girlfriend got a kick out of it when Dyllan calld her and said "I am the borg you will be assimilated...resistance is futile!"

42.   the kids were playing school today, and Dyllan was teaching "bible verses" he started out saying "2nd handatizer (hand-sanitizer) says ...." LOL

oh my goodness, kids can say things so very bluntly! my mom has developed cataracts because of her diabetes, witch all stems from her being very overweight. Rob and I were talking about it the other day not realizing Dyllan had picked it up...then he was on the phone to my mom today and he said:
"Grandma Donna, your going blind because you have to much fat!"
She laughed about it, thinking it was hysterical, but I was incredibly embarrassed.

43.   Yesterday Ronan cut his finger, right through the nail! it bled like crazy...then some dripped on little robby's foot and robby being afraid of blood freaked out! he ran in circles in the living room screaming that all his blood was coming out, finally daddy cleaned his foot and robby calmed down. poor kid, but it was kind of funny...not to him though

44.   the lady to do my blood test for the milk bank came over today, can't remember rher name but she aksed about you aparently you taught her grand kids at the academy. anways when she was taking my blood dyllan's eyes got huge and he said "mom!! she's taking al lyour blood, you told me that if you didn't have blood you would die!! MOM STOP HER!!" it was so cute. i got him calmed down though, telling him people have lots of blood she's only taking a little bit

45. so i was trying to get ronan to say "daddy" but instead he kept telling me "say camera" "say door" "say puppy" 'Say papa" lol

46.   we were practicing our bible verse and I’d say part and leave a blank for the kids to fill in :

their answers were as follows: Love the Lord your……(Jesus) with all your heart all your soul all your ….(head) and all your….(muscles) this is the first and greatest…(eternal life)

For God so loved the …(world) that he gave his only….(son) and whoever believes in ..(Jesus) shall not…(perish) but have…(lots of sons) (Kids!) LOL

47     the kids want to grow up to have a harry chest like daddy, be tall like daddy, bigger than the sky like God and have boobies that make milk like mommy LOL

48

47.   if something has a D on it dyllan assumes it must be his….even if that D is not his name.

48.   when Ronan is upset he yells “you meanie!”

49.  we got to try some fresh-from-the-cow milk the other day, Jessica bought a milk cow recently.
Rob was with the kids so I heard the story from him

;
Dyllan and Robert were with Rob and Jessica was milking the cow, Robby thought it was pretty cool but Dyllan was horrified. He kept staring at it with a expression of discust on his face, and refused to try the milk.Rob said "you know milk comes from cows...Mommy told you that." Dyllan still flat out refused. when Rob asked him why he said "that's a BOY cow!"
Rob laughed, "no that's a girl"
Dyll puts his hands on his hips and sets his face, "Dad, just look at all those boy pee-pees, and you tell me that's not a boy?!" LOL he thought the utters were penises.
When Rob told me the story, Dyllan insisted that the cow was a boy,
, he figured that girl cows had boobies like people (because mommy makes milk too)

Ronan thinks Taco is the funniest word in the world. he walks around all day saying "taco taco" and laughing like crazy...he's been doing it for a few weeks now. LOL.
lastnight Dyllan said "i can't wait to meet my kids mom" lol i said "i can't wait to meet them either"
Robby had a belly ache lastnight he gets this look of worry on his face and said "mom my belly hurts cause Jesus is trying really hard to come out of my tummy! He's pushing on me to hard!" LOL I tried to explain that Jesus is in his heart not his belly but he thinks that just like Teal'c popped out of my belly Jesus will pop out of his....how to I explain that one? lol.

50.   Ronan keeps waking up yelling “I need a good idea” so I say “you do?”
“yea…” I hand him an “idea” and he lays down to sleep.

yup that's Ronan. he's getting so big. you should hear him introduce himself "hi, my name is Ronan. call me ronieman. that's D-Y-L-L-A-N Ronieman. yup ronieman Lillis.

oh yea and Robert spells his name R-D-Y-L-L-A-N

the kids tell me “mom you’re the prettiest princess ever”

Robby plans to have paintball guns at his wedding and shoot all his guests with paintballs

Dyllan is in love with a girl named Natalie. He has asked her father permition to marry her and asked her too. This is what he said “Mr. Swanson, I love your daughter very much and I want to marry her and build her a pink castle with an upstairs basement (attic) I will get a good job and take good care of her she will be my princess forever and ever, I wont’ kiss her until we are married.” Both Mr. Swanson and Natalie said yes and Dyllan was in heaven for days!

my boys always breastfed their dolls, but my 2 year old has never seen a baby (except himself) nurse, our youngest is fed by a tube in his belly...so he tube feeds his dolls. he takes left over tubes from Teal'c's feeder and pretends to feed his babies.

yesterday he was so upset that boys can't have babies in their bellies he would not stop crying. so i drew a baby on his tummy and he's been happy ever since. he even talks to it. lol.

me : "Robby you have the cutest little dimples!"

Robby: "mom i do NOT have pimples! you have pimples!"

lol!

Dyllan "mom i had a dream that your bedroom was in the fridge. you took one step inside the fridge to get to your room. it was cool i hope that dream comes true mom!"

yea...not likely

my kids are singing "the Lord's amy" song....here's their version of it:

I will never march in the therapy,

shoot the atheratee (authority???)

ride in the tharadee (i have no idea what that means)

but i'm in the Lord's army, YES SIR!

Dyllan (to ronan) "your Tracy doll (the airplane) is just pretend. it's not alive. i know when i was a kid i thought my toys were alive too, but now i'm 6 and i can make cakes."

Dyllan takes an envelope from the table "mom whats this?"

"junk mail"

"wAHHHOOO! i LOVE junk mail. can i have it?"

"um...sure..."

"YES!! thanks mom!!"

Teal'c loves to listen to the baby cry and make noise. he gets so excited and tries to mimic him. when baby's sleeping Teal'c will ask for him by saying "Nahhh Nahh" (his mimic of baby's cries) and blowing kisses. Teal'c has alot of trouble with the "b" sound so he dosen't say baby or Bretac so for now he's just callin...g him "Nahhh!"

the kids are watching He-man and She-ra i asked them why He-man was running around in underwear (the outfit he wears) and they laughed at me 'mom don't you know super heros dress like that? it gives them their powers. " lol. i guess that's why the boys want to run around in their undies all the time

the kids LOVE it that Bretac can stick his tongue out and make silly faces at the kids, 3 weeks old and already starting to copy the faces big brothers make. they laugh so hard at every little face he makes. he's getting so big! he's got a double chin and rolls on his legs and arms. I'm so grateful that God gave us a healthy baby.

my little robby seem to think it's his mission in life to annoy me and Rob. he does the strangest things just to get a rise out of us. like picking his nose with his toe...eating his earwax....running up and down the hall shouting "i wanna be a girl" ...making very strange concoctions out of his dinner then trying to trick his brothers into eating it...

robby says to me "mom you look boring today."

kids say the funnies things. lastnight we were talking to Ronan about breastfeeding, trying to prepare him for the baby's arrival... he says "when i grow up can i feed the baby with my boobies too?"

"well no, boys don't have boobies."

Ronan looks at me confused "but daddy has boobies!"

rob and i laughed so hard, and Rona...n couldn't figure out what was so funny.

Dyllan said he's going to invent shoes that are flame throwers so that when it's winter time i don't have to shovel i can just step on the snow with my flame throwing shoes and the snow will melt so i have a path to walk on. LOL

last friday we had an ultrasound. the kids were so excited to watch the baby on the monitor. the tec gave them each a picture of baby's hand "waving" at them from the screen. you should have seen their faces when we told them how baby not only breaths and swallows the fluid he's floating in he also pees in it. "he pees... in it then he drinks it?? EWW!" lol

Ronan is so frustrated. he got himself a glass of water and 3 times now he's spilt it, because he keeps putting it onto his toy car and trying to drive around with it. he comes to me crying that his water is being naughty and not staying in the cup. part of me thinks it's cute, and part of me is highly irritated that he just got water all over the floor...

Ronan is so darn cute. he tells me lastnight that Bre'tac didn't wanna come out cause he's scared of the dark (it was night time) and then he told me about how when he came out he was scared and all he wanted was a clean diaper. LOL! he said "i popped out and cried to have my diaper changed. it was wet from all that water in there." LOL!!

went to the grocery store with Dyllan, he insisted on wearing shorts despite the chilly weather. when i asked him why he said "because my legs are more meaty. they won't get cold."

Robby says "mom please don't ever get old or die. your my favorite Mommy."

Dyllan says "mom when we grow up you can have new kids, and that way you always stay young."

Ronan says "Mom when i grow up you can have MY kids." LOL.

a child's concept of growing old. how cute.

Ronan tells me "mom that baby is NEVER going to pop out. your going to be pregnant forever!" lol. i told the kids that baby has been in longer than any of them have as of today so they have started calling him "the little stinker" because he's already competing with them. :P

my kids, sensing my tension all came with combs to brush my hair so i can feel "relaxfull"

i have such sweet little boys. ♥ even just the fact that they are so loving and wanting to take care of me makes all the stress of the day melt away. bless their little hearts. ♥♥

why do kids do the things they do? Robert stuck raisins up his nose then tried to give them to his brothers. so disgusting.

Dyllan walks outside barefoot with no shirt on helping me take out the recycling. he's complaining that his feet are cold. "put shoes on silly boy" i tell him. "no thanks mom. i like it when my feet freeze." (boys so stubborn that even at this young age they have a hard time admitting when they are wrong)

ronan thinks our baby is going to come out black white and fuzzy like the ultrasound pictures.

the concept that a baby is going to come out of my belly is still so abstract to Ronan (age 3) he keeps thinking it's some kind of game. today he had me draw a baby on his belly and he pretends to pop it out, hold it in his hand then put it back in. i can't wait to see his reaction when the baby really does come out.

 i love watching the kids "teach" eachother playing school. Dyllan is holding up a book and asking the younger kids "well who makes the _____sound" it's so cute!

Ronan says "mom im changing our baby's name to Stinker cause he won't come out yet." and i said "how do you suppose he's going to come out?"

"well he will knock on the door till you let him out!"

lastnight the kids decided to play a joke on me. they shouted "mom someone pooped under the bed!" so here i come to clean it up, and beings i'm as big as a whale i can't just climb under the bed...so i moved the whole bunk bed set to get to it...and it was a pile of black leggos!

what nuts. they thought it was hilarious....me not so much.

Dylan says "mom when i go to college will you buy me a new backpack and a waterbottle?"

LOL he's 6 and he's talking about going to college. how cute

ronan comes out yelling at me "'nuggle with me!!" in an angry voice, staring at me with his "mad face" makes me wanna laugh cause at the moment he looks about as cuddly as darth vader. (picture darth vader saying "snuggle with me NOW mother!" LOL.

Lastnight i woke up Dyllan around midnight to go potty and then brought him in my bed to snuggle him. he said to me "mom i'm getting to old to snuggle."

oh heartbreaker! he's only 6!!

so i tell him "your never to old to snuggle your mama!" and he looks at me so matter-of-factcly and says "mom, does dad still snuggle with grandma? i don't think so."

Robby says "mom, today is my birthday and you said i don't have to do school...can Dyllan not do school too please?"

"how come?"

"cause its no fun to have a birthday all by myself. i want to share."

the kids are eating Chex cereal, but every time they pronounce it they say "sex" i really hope they don't start telling people they had "sex" cereal for breakfast.

the kids were arguing over spoons. ronan didn't want a big spoon and so i said "but don't you have a big mouth?" he said "NO!" and Robby said "mom, i'm the one with a big mouth. give the big spoon to me. " HAHAH

my kids today were asking me about grandma's chickens (she has some roosters she plans to butcher) and when i told them about how chickens will run around with out their heads for a few minutes they got all excited and asked "mom can we PLEASE watch when grandma cuts the chicken's head off?? that's gotta be so funny!"

boys. lol. go figure.

"mom he's looking at me!" "mom he's poking me!" "mom he's chewing to loudly!" "mom he's sitting by me!" MOM hes...."

oh my goodness really?? why do kids do these things? if it wasn't so darn irritating it would be funny.

‎"mom he's chasing me with the plunger!" "mom he's looking at me with his eyes closed!" "mom he's looking at my cereal!" "mom he's breathing on me!" "mom he said he's going to poke me!"

in the past hour I've heard all of that!! they are driving me nuts! although part of me wants to just sit here and laugh at how ridiculous their arguments are...and think back to my little brother and how we used to go at it like that...course laughing would make them think it's ok so i can't laugh....

told the kids to clean their room, instead they put all their books on my bed, their blankets in teal'c's crib and their toys under their bed. GRR!!. now they are grounded off the books, i'm going to take away their toys in about 30 seconds if they don't get in there and clean it up the right way and they've lost TV for the night.

teal'c, in his baby walker got himself down the hallway...were all thinking he wants to go in the boy's room but instead he goes into our room where his crib is. we thought maybe he got lost or something but nope he knew exactly where he wanted to go. he kept trying to get into his crib and when i put him in there he s...nuggled up with his blanket and pacifire and went to sleep.

my kids turned on a Jay-Jay airplane show it was a christmas one. Dyllan told me after it was over "i'm very disappointed. they didn't even talk about Jesus. it seemed like they were praying to Santa, and the Christmas tree...don't they know what Christmas is really about?"

ohh so proud :)

so there was a deer in our yard the other day. Dyllan asked me "mom can i shoot it?" "no we are in town and it's not hunting season anymore." so he says "oh, well can i shoot my bow and arrow at it?" "no" "How bout i go throw rocks at it? can i kill it with a rock and then we can bring it in and eat it?"
haha. yea he's a carnivore all ...right. goofy kid